misadventures of me

Work was done for the day, Melissa and I had just finished getting some sodas at Tescos, and she dropped me off at the train station on her way back to her "home". I continued walking into the sketchy station that is nearby where my office is and heard this slightly rotund middle-aged man say behind me, "Hey, sister"

Obviously, I didn't respond; I mean, the only person who could legitimately say that to me lives in South Florida.

And is a female.

There happened to be a train load of people getting off at the platform that I needed. Since it's a smaller station, there was no way that I was going to be making my way down the stairs with them all flowing up towards me like salmon on their yearly migration upstream. Waiting at the top of the stairs took a couple of minutes, and during this time the man that I previously mentioned had made his way in front of me.

He turned and looked at me and said, "Are you in a haste?"
I was confused. Did he really just say "haste" to me? "Pardon?" I replied.
"Are you in a haste?"
"Oh...? no"

We made our way down the stairs, eventually.

He didn't leave me alone, as I was grabbing for my mp3 player in my bag.
I'll be honest, I can't even remember how he even segued into the next part of the conversation. Perhaps there was no segue. Maybe he is beyond forward.

He stood there and then proceed to ask me, "So, are you married?"
"Huh?"
"Are you married?"
HOLY CRAP! What is this man getting at?
"Not yet"
"Why not?"
"Oh, I'm not ready yet."
Please, just leave me alone!!!
"So, what do I have to do to marry you?"
Seriously, what is going on here?
"What?"
"What do I have to do to marry you?"
He wants my hand in marriage!!!! Why do weird, older, foreign men always do this to me?
"Oh...I'm really not ready to get married right now."
Isn't he getting the hint?
"Well, I can be your friend. Everybody needs friends."
"Pardon?"
"I'll be your friend."
"Oh...right..."
::brain explodes::

Silence

"Was that your sister out there?"
"Who?"
"The girl who left before you entered the train station."
"Oh, no. She's a co-worker."
Because he wasn't creepy enough already...Doesn't he notice I'm NOT giving him much to go on?

He then asked me about what I do in the area, where I've come from (since he could tell I didn't sound like the Brits), etc. Which were all answered with the bare minimum answers...During this point I found out he's originally from Nigeria and is "self-employed," but I'm not convinced by the latter part of this.

"So, do you have your mobile with you?"
"Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh???"
"Oh good! Here get it out. I'll give you my number."
SHIT (yes, that was the first thing that came to mind...)
"Oh...well...the battery is actually on it's last leg and I'm really trying to conserve it at the moment."
Is that really the best you could come up with?
"Well, how am I going to get your number?"
How about not?
"Ummm...why don't I write yours down? ::as I grab some pen and paper::"
Please work, please work. Why isn't anybody saving me and pretending like they know me?!?
"Well, how am I going to get yours?"
I should just run over to one of the random young guys sitting on the benches and act like I was supposed to meet them....
"I'll just write yours down. What's your number?"
"It's ::insert lots of numbers:: and my name is Ekema."
"Awesome, great, thanks. ::puts notepad away::"
Oh, please let it die. My brain is made out of mush after legal proceedings all day long...No good escapes come to mind...
"Well, why don't you put it into your phone now and text me so I can get yours?"
Crap, this man does not give up easily...and where the heck is his train?!?
"Ohhhhhhkay....::as I reluctantly pull out my phone and text him::"
I should ask him for the 10p he just wasted me ;)
"Great, so what are you doing this weekend? Saturday? Sunday?"
"My family already has plans for me. It's really good to be able to spend time with them now that I'm back in the country."
He looks sceptical... but that is mostly the truth. Better than the stupid battery lie...
"What about during the week?"
Oh good his train is pulling up!!!!!
"I can't make any promises."
"I'll text you."
Doesn't mean I'll reply! Excellent, he's leaving!

You can't make that kind of stuff up! How does that sort of crazy always find me? I told my rental mum about it once I got home, and she just laughed and said that things are never dull with me. She then put in a request for me to get a random proposal from a man in Italy who happens to own some property. That way she could finally get her Italian summer holiday set ;)

Oh! Don't worry dad, I've already saved that number in my phone as "Don't Answer Nigerian Marriage"

P.S. Sorry for the lack of photo, but nothing I've got could do justice to craziness of the story. Today's was a word picture hopefully!